New Saints quarterback places Zoolander to disgrace in rookie photoshoot
Jake Haener modeling in his New Orleans Saints uniform ought to have Derek Zoolander, Hansel and even Jacobim Mugatu mad, mad jealous, y’all.
Whether or not it’s Blue Metal, Ferrari, Le Tigre or god, even Magnum, New Orleans Saints rookie quarterback Jake Haener is gorgeous and a fully majestic specimen in his soccer uniform.
Mannequin means misshapen ball of clay, and Haener tries to do not forget that each time he steps onto the sector. When a Saint will get doused with Weight-reduction plan Coke, it normally means one thing dangerous occurred vs. the Atlanta Falcons, however when Haener pours that zero-calorie deliciousness onto his scalp, it makes a human being weak. The best way that he seems on the again of a spoon will most likely make you are feeling horrible about your self, too. Earth to Matilda, I can’t learn minds, however hear me out…
One look is all you want for Saints followers to neglect about Andy Dalton. Behold the dreamiest factor to ever grace Seventeen journal.
I can not await Haener to go on adventures with Jimmy Garoppolo to see if they will discover the information from inside the pc.
New Orleans Saints rookie QB Jake Haener’s photoshoot is to die for
Though I’ve but to spend per week at a day spa, D-A-I-Y-E, DAIYE!, I think about that is what we might all appear to be if we ate precise meals, went to the gymnasium and acquired a superb eight hours of sleep an evening. Sadly, we’ve Starbucks addictions that aren’t going away. The worst half is we’ve but to style the luxurious glory of an Orange Mocha Frappuccino unironically. I had it as soon as earlier than I might shave. I inform you what, it tasted like ambrosia or manna coming down from the heavens. Like Nu Steel, I peaked within the 2000s, I simply didn’t understand it on the time, man.
Whereas I hate this staff greater than a foamy latte, I’m keen to work with Haener like Mugatu did after Zoolander retired. As a result of what will we do after we fall off the horse? We get again on! I’m not a gymnast, Maury, however I’ll strive. We’re staring Magnum within the face with the wide-eyed splendor of Bobby Hebert doing Bobby Hebert issues in a pre-internet world. Let’s simply hope Dome Patrol doesn’t get right into a freak gasoline struggle accident. There’s extra to life than being actually, actually, actually ridiculously handsome, and I’m attempting to determine what that’s.
Finally, we must always count on Haener to take a seat on the sidelines in bubble wrap or have his entire physique coated in a J.P. Prewitt-inspired cryogenic chamber. Like hand fashions, we keyboard warriors assume otherwise. We’re a distinct breed in spite of everything. Whereas all of us attempt to keep away from the tragic demise of Pedro Scialfa, simply know the clock is ticking for Haener to start his professional profession as the great lord meant. Search for this merman to be the moisture that’s the essence of wetness and the wetness of the essence of magnificence. Oh, Fresno is so going to like that!
Let’s be actual. The one factor we actually care about this photoshoot is that if the Prime Minister of Malaysia approves of Haener’s one look.
